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Protection Of Women From Domestic Violence Act 2006-Was It Worth The Effort?
v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} Normal 0 Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2006-Was it worth the effort?
“Common sense often makes good law though the lack of it doesn’t”-By William Orville Douglas
Violence and domestic abuse are considered a man’s most heinous, intolerable and deleterious weapon and rightfully, violence in a relationship is inhuman behavior in its most pernicious form, which would be anything but acceptable. There had been a significant lacuna in the legal system to accommodate for cases of everyday domestic violence in the lives of women, something that has been restricted to the private domain. But this Act now seeks to eliminate this lacuna and eradicate the evil of domestic violence. Nonetheless, while providing for remedy, the Act has created various openings and prospects for abuse and misuse of this Act.The Domestic Violence Act is the latest mischievous sprite introduced to conform to the concept of protective discrimination by making special provisions for women. The Act certainly provides for shielding women from any sort of domestic violence in a relationship and the Act has specifies a comprehensive definition of domestic violence. In S.3 of the 2005 Act, domestic violence is defined in terms of mental, physical, sexual, verbal, emotional and economic abuse. But despite of having such a virtuous intention, its ambiguous realization has paved way for a great controversy with feminist groups and men contributingly harping for equality as this Act has the potential of being used by women to harass men. This law was enacted by keeping in view the rights guaranteed under Articles 14,15 and 21 of the Constitution to provide for a remedy under the civil law, which is intended to protect the woman from being victims of domestic violence and to prevent the occurrence of domestic violence in the society . But this Act on the contrary, has provided for an elaborate mechanism for abuse by women and has certainly become a glaring example of inequality. The feminist groups unequivocally and unanimously hail the implementation of the Act while men think of being ransacked of all of their marital rights. The likelihood of it being misused is so immensely incalculable that it has given wakeful nights to men and has left his fate to the whims and fancies of their counterparts. This article will provide and insight into the Act and highlight the draconian nature of the Act through its anomalies and inherent ambiguities.
Legislative History
Before the inception of this Act, there was no specific Act for protecting women from undue discrimination and unjustified violence.
Though the Indian Penal Code had provisions, namely sections 304B and 498A, but they weren’t adequate and satisfactory in checking the atrocities committed against women. Thus, a desperate need was felt for an Act which could specifically cater to this cause and help women attain a dignified status, and henceforth the bill was passed by the legislature in 2005 and it was brought in application in 2006 and was touted by union minister Renuka Choudhary as a the most progressive gift for women.
Inception of the Act
Domestic violence is undoubtedly a human rights issue and serious deterrent to development of a nation. This particular Act has been enacted in keeping with the various guidelines given by several International conventions and declarations. The Vienna Accord of 1994 and the Beijing Declaration and the Platform for Action 1995 have acknowledged this. The United Nations Committee on Convention on Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) in its General Recommendation No.XII (1989) has also recommended that State parties should act to protect women against violence of any kind especially that occurring within the family.
The phenomenon of domestic violence is widely prevalent but has remained largely invisible in the public domain. This enactment purported to be an additional violence curbing mechanism to the already existing sections 304B and 498A in IPC, which lay down the punishment for dowry death and cruelty and harassment against a women by her husband or his relatives.
Creditable features of the Act
An important advance made by the Act in understanding the nature of domestic violence has been in the combination of civil and criminal remedies. While civil remedies can be tailored to meet the circumstances of each case, criminal sanctions provide a greater deterrent effect among perpetrators.
The preamble to this Act reads like a definition and covers the entire subject matter of the Act. Apart from stating that the Act is intended to effectively protect the rights of a women and to give them a decent and dignified status, it stresses on the need of an ‘aggrieved women’ to seek immediate relief, compensation and also rehabilitation.
The Act establishes adequate machinery to ensure effective protection. The Act creates an extraordinary post of a Protection officer who is charged with the responsibility of taking expeditious steps for providing timely relief and it also grants authority to the Magistrate to give sufficient relief in the form of maintenance orders, custody orders and compensation. The Act also creates a novel agency called the ‘service providers’ who are entrusted with the job of filing Domestic Incident Reports with the Magistrate. The act by itself does not punish the perpetrator of domestic violence. But if a case discloses any offences punishable under IPC, CRPC or Dowry prohibition Act, the Magistrate may then, frame appropriate charges to either try the case himself or he may commit it to Sessions Court if he may deem fit.
This act contains five chapters and 37 sections. Its main features are firstly that the term ‘domestic violence’ has been made wide enough to encompass every possibility as it covers all forms of physical, sexual, verbal, emotional and economic abuse that can harm, cause injury to, endanger the health, safety, life, limb or well-being, either mental or physical of the aggrieved person. This is a genuinely wide definition and covers every eventuality. Secondly, the definition of an ‘aggrieved’ person’ is equally wide and covers not just the wife but a woman who is the sexual partner of the male irrespective of whether she is his legal wife or not. The daughter, mother, sister, child (male or female), widowed relative, in fact, any woman residing in the household who is related in some way to the respondent, is also covered by the Act . The respondent under the definition given in the Act is “any male, adult person who is, or has been, in a domestic relationship with the aggrieved person” but so that his mother, sister and other relatives do not go scot free, the case can also be filed against relatives of the husband or male partner.
S.18 of the same chapter allows the magistrate to protect the woman from acts of violence or even “acts that are likely to take place” in the future and can prohibit the respondent from dispossessing the aggrieved person or in any other manner disturbing her possessions, entering the aggrieved person’s place of work or, if the aggrieved person is a child, the school. The respondent can also be restrained from attempting to communicate in any form, whatsoever, with the aggrieved person, including personal, oral, written, electronic or telephonic contact”. The respondent can even be prohibited from entering the room/area/house that is allotted to her by the court.
The Act allows magistrates to impose monetary relief and monthly payments of maintenance. The respondent can also be made to meet the expenses incurred and losses suffered by the aggrieved person and any child of the aggrieved person as a result of domestic violence and can also cover loss of earnings, medical expenses, loss or damage to property and can also cover the maintenance of the victim and her children . S.22 allows the magistrate to make the respondent pay compensation and damages for injuries including mental torture and emotional distress caused by acts of domestic violence.
The Act provides for penalty up to one-year imprisonment and/or a fine up to Rs. 20,000/- for and offence . The offence is also considered cognizable and non-bailable under Section 31 while Section 32 (2) goes even further and states, “Under the sole testimony of the aggrieved person, the court may conclude that an offence has been committed by the accused”.
The Act significantly ensures speedy justice as the court has to start proceedings and have the first hearing within 3 days of the complaint being filed in court and every case must be disposed of within a period of sixty days of the first hearing.
A critique of the Act
Women favoring Aspects
In the garb of providing protection, this legislation in fact, strikes at the very foundation of marriage by promoting intolerance and encouraging unnecessary litigation even for petty domestic disputes. The law is based on a totally wrong notion and assumes men as the sole perpetrators of domestic violence. This is altogether a wrong impression and only confirms the gender bias in favor of women created by this law. “Giving of such sweeping legal powers to women while withholding protection to male victims is tantamount to systematic legal victimization of men “. The law is wholly gender specific and rules out any possibility of domestic violence against a man . The law confers rights in a woman without imposing any liability, while a man is overburdened with discriminative liabilities with total denial of rights.
The slack drafting of this law will allow cunning and unscrupulous women to teach a lesson to any of her male relative at her sole behest. Moreover any such frivolous claims will be treated as words of god or gospel of truth by virtue of this law . This has virtually empowered all women to punish men at their will. This law not only recognizes but also gives legal sanctions to apprehensions no matter how insignificant and fizzy, they are. The mere belief of a person, even a stranger, will be sufficient for reporting the matter to the protection officers. It can very easily become a weapon for women to extort money, as in such cases usually the police arrests the husband and in-laws. “This arbitrary decision of the police to favor the daughter-in-law is a newfound ethic, to protect the rights and liberalization of women, even though it violates the principles of natural justice “. A bizarre aspect of this Act is that it does not distinguish between actual abuse and threat of abuse and gives equal weightage to even a likelihood of abuse . Also in regards to the notion of “emotional abuse, insults and verbal abuse” enshrined in the Act, the terms in itself are extremely relative and subjective, often depending on one’s mindset and shockingly, the husband does not have any recourse in case of any abuse by the wife.
Unlike other women protection laws, the Act almost gives a legal sanction to extortion of money by women under the guise of economic abuse . Refusal to pay any sum of money for whatsoever reason will attract the provisions of this law. Non-payment of rental related to the shared household will also constitute economic abuse even if the husband himself is devoid of sufficient resources or even if he is in jail. Another pertinent laxity that can be pointed out as also recently reiterated by the Supreme Court is that the definition of “shared household” as mentioned in the Act is vague and laid that the parents independent property in which the husband does not have any share will not amount to “shared household”.
Other Anomalies in the Act
Another substantiation of the Act being unreasonable and excessive is that in relation to the right of residence wherein by including the divorced wives, former girlfriends and former live-in partners in the list of women facing domestic violence, this Act gives enough leeway to women to harass innocent men and turn the heat on their former partners. Now even a traitorous woman cannot be thrown out of house as she can easily threaten her husband or in-laws of false domestic violence charges as the Act expressly mentions that incase of absence of any other evidence, her sole testimony shall be relied upon by the Magistrate in deciding the existence and extent of violence. The Act almost gives a legal sanction to any relationship, which is not at all socially acceptable like the live-in relationship. In addition to this the respondent is totally deprived of his legitimate rights over his property as he cannot alienate or dispose if an order is passed under the Act. On the contrary there is an added liability on his part to arrange for an alternate accommodation or pay the rent for the same.
Another certain home breaking implication of this Act is that as consanguinity is a necessary aspect of marriage, and as matter of fact a ground for separation under the marriage laws, one of the provisions of this Act bars the husbands from even asking, leave apart pressurizing, their wives for sex . Another perturbing feature is that as a protective measure or more so a biased feature conferred by this Act in the form of prohibition of any sort of communication to be made by the husband if there is a prima facie case
An unusual oddity in this enactment is that the Magistrate has been entrusted with unaccountable power as he is invested with the responsibility to take cognizance of the case and also for executing his own orders in favor of the aggrieved women even without being approached for their execution. An additional disturbing aspect is that the Magistrate trying the case is required to evaluate not the individual incidence of violence, but the overall circumstances as well.
The major inappropriate implication would be that it would play down the chances of reconciliation in future. On one hand the Act punishes a man for forcing her wife to leave job while on other it provides maintenance to the very same wife. But the law does not provide for any such remedy to a male in any similar circumstance.
All the provisions of this Act, however, do not serve the purpose of effective implementation as the above examples, sometimes due to a lack of resources or due to extraneous factors. S.12 (4), for example, is a laudable provision, which makes it mandatory for the magistrate to hear a case within three days of the complaint being filed. The idea of prompt relief is carried on in s. 12(5), which directs the magistrate to finish hearing the case within six months of it reaching court. However, the overcrowding of courts makes it difficult to see if they can be practically realized.
A further criticism of the Act is with respect to S.14, which may prescribe counseling for either of the parties, and delay proceedings up to two months. As has been discussed earlier, addressal of domestic violence has always tended to focus on conciliation between the perpetrator and the victim, even within the criminal justice system. This is due to the judicial perceptions regarding the importance of preserving the family unit, even to the jeopardy of a victim of domestic violence. In recognition of this fact, a provision such as S.14 can be counterproductive in two ways. Firstly, it might jeopardize speedy disposal of the case, and secondly, it may also convince the aggrieved to continue in that situation without taking any further action.
The Act makes provision for the appointment of protection officers. Protection officers, as per the Act, are a group of officers whose duty is to assist the aggrieved party with the processing and completion of the domestic violence suit. The institution of protection officers is a useful one, emphasizing the need for societal intervention in order to prevent domestic violence, by directly addressing from an external standpoint the relationship of power and control in an abusive relationship. The problem however lies with the resources required for the creation of such a rung of officers
The Supreme Court verdict
Since the Act is written in a negative language, it is essential to consider the Supreme Court judgement in respect of such statutes. The SC has aptly stated in a recent case that if a provision of law is couched in negative language implying mandatory character then the Courts shall interpret the provision, keeping in view the entire content in which the provision came to be enacted, and shall hold the same to be directory though worded in negative form.
Also in the first case on this Act before the Supreme Court , the Court has admitted and established certain evident ambiguities in the Act.The court in this particular case discussed the scope of sections 2,12,17 and 19. As provided by section 17,the court can now order that she not only reside in the same house but that a part of the house can even be allotted to her for her personal use even if she has no legal claim or share in the property. The Act also ensures speedy justice as the court has to start proceedings and have the first hearing within 3 days of the complaint being filed in court and every case must be disposed of within a period of sixty days of the first hearing.
The facts of the case were that respondent was married to son of Appellants and after their marriage and Respondent and her husband were staying in house owned by husband’s mother. When Husband filed a divorce petition against the Respondent, the Respondent shifted to her parents place. She was prohibited to enter house of Appellants. She filed a Suit for a mandatory injunction to enable her to enter the house. The Trial Court granted temporary injunction restraining Appellants from interfering with right of Respondent to reside. On appeal, Senior Civil Judge dismissed temporary injunction application. The Respondent then filed a petition under Article 227 of the Constitution. The Single Judge held that Respondent was entitled to reside in house, as that was her matrimonial home. Then the husband’s parents appealed and the SC held that the house in question belonged to mother in law of Respondent and not to Respondent’s husband and Respondent could not claim any right in said house. The Court also redefined the scope of various provisions relating to ‘shared household’ and compensation in the form of residential accommodation by stating that “Wife is only entitled to claim a right to residence in a shared household, and a ‘shared household’ would only mean house belonging to or taken on rent by husband, or house which belongs to joint family of which husband is a member.” The Court while deciding on the issue of alternative accommodation laid down that in regards to “Alternative accommodation under Section 19 (1)(f) of the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005, claim for alternative accommodation can only be made against husband and not against in-laws or other relatives.”
Conclusion
The Act presently is heavily in favor of women. Chances of it being misused and scandalously abused are enormous. It can therefore, be well stated here, that this act could become a pawn in the hands of the “so called aggrieved” who can easily manipulate it for her advantage which can be well supported by these statistical researches, the most alarming of it being that in case of married couples, the male to female suicide ratio is 63:37 thus confirming that men are the ultimate targets. This Act should have ideally included stringent penal provisions for curtailing the instances of abuse and mishandling, but herein, instead various opportunities have been made available which can ultimately lead to its grave misuse and can thus act as a catalyst for breaking homes. Thus, this Act does not contain any provisions for creating awareness or for strengthening and preserving family as an institution or even providing chances for reconciliation or even scope for improvement to “the husband”. The main beneficiaries of this Act will obviously be women of propertied upper class. But there is no doubt that given the hypocritical, patriarchal and insensitive nature of the society, this Act would definitely be instrumental in putting an end to all the degradation and brutality meted out to women.
It is eventually, the neo collectivist and neo socialist approach which is needed in the society that can essentially free both men and women from shackles of brutality and ultimately put them on an equal pedestal in all respects. Women, who have for decades been silent victims of oppression and enslavement will now have a better chance of fighting the injustice without slightest of hesitation and it can be well summed up with the quote by Marx-that equal laws cannot be applied to unequal people . Thus, any enactment, which forcefully subjects a section of society to conduct and “serve” the other section at its willful pleasure, would only enhance the level of oppression in the society and leave incurable marks on the face of the most democratic society.
**************
End Notes:
1) Section 3 defines the term domestic violence.
2) See, Bare Act, Statement of Objectives of the Act
3) See, Home is where the Law is” by Indira Jaisingh, Indian Express, 8 Sept. ;05
4) Bare Act-History of the Act and see,http//www.hindustantimes.com
5) See,(Ch.II, S.3) of the Act
6) See, (Ch.I, S.2 (a) of the Act
7) See, (Ch.IV, S.20) of the Act
See chapter V Sections 31 and 32
9) See, (Ch.IV, S.12 (a) (4) and (5)).of the Act
10) See, The Domestic Violence Law of India – A Shield or a Sword?
11) Various studies in India and other countries have shown that even men suffer domestic violence at the hands of women. See, Anne Bransdon, “The Nature of Domestic Violence Against Men”; Charles E. Corry and at al, “Controlling Domestic Violence Against Men” Patricia Pearson, “When She Was Bad – Violent Women and the Myth of Innocence”.
12) A breach of protection order can be concluded at the sole testimony of the aggrieved. See, Section 32(2) of the Act.
13) Section 4 of the Act allows any person having reasons to believe to report that any act of domestic violence is or will be committed.
14) Even a person having any gripe can misuse it to settle his personal scores.
15) See, Amjad Maruf, Domestic Violence Act, 2005 – A recipe for broken marriages and relationships, November 03, 2006 (www.sulekha.com).
16) Section 4 of the Act.
17) See “Verbal and Emotional Abuse” under section 3 of the Act.
18) Section 3 of the Act defines as to what all constitutes economic abuse.
19) See “Sexual Abuse” under section 3 of the Act.
20) Section 18 of the Act.
21) S.B. Ghosh, “Contextualizing Domestic Violence”, BEHIND CLOSED DOORS: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN INDIA (Rinki Bhattacharya ed., New Delhi: Sage Publications, 2004) at 54
22) See S.18 of act
23) Ravi Kusum v. Kanchan Devi, AIR 2005 SC 3304
24) 136 2007 DLTI SC, SR Batra v. Taruna Batra,Secs 2,12, 17 and 19 also referred
25) See, Srilata Swaminathan, On the Protect of Women from Domestic Violence Act (http//www.cpiml.org)
26) See, Karl Marx, Gotha Programme.
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Votes For Women: Are You Voting In ’08?
*NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED* BEFORE YOU ALL LAUGH AT ME: YES, I REALIZE I SPELLED “PRIVILEGE” WRONG! xD I may be only 16, so I can’t vote, but I can encourage women of voting age in the United States to vote, which is more gratifying to me. btw, Alice Paul is my personal hero. Just thought I’d throw that out there. There is so much that wasn’t mentioned in the video, because there is so much information to cover in so little time. So much before and after, that I almost feel bad for not mentioning it…If you want to know more about these amazing women, vist this website (or google for the subject): www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk and for more on the movie I used in the video, “Iron Jawed Angels”: iron-jawed-angels.com Thank you for taking the time to watch this video, and whether you are American or not, I hope you’ve learned something. – Katherine ps. the song is “Beatiful” by Mandalay. The song was used in the credits of the film.
Guys – How To Have Women Eating Out Of Your Hand – Literally!
You know guys who have women literally eating out of their hand. Admit it – you’ve envied them but you’ve said to yourself. “What a jerk, can’t she see through his antics?”; “Why don’t women go for me like they go for him? Can’t women see I am a genuine guy who is serious about wanting a relationship?”
The reason women don’t go for you – a genuine guy- who is seriously looking for a relationship is that you are most probably too serious. Don’t get me wrong she is seriously looking for a relationship but it has to be fun to start off with. She wants a playmate too. She wants a man who can make her laugh.
Getting married, keeping house and having children is serious business and she wants it all, don’t be mistaken but she thinks all that is going to be fun. She sees the love stories on TV and in movies where the leading girl and guy are having fun. It all looks so enjoyable. So the first step to getting a woman is to make it enjoyable and fun.
You may not be the playful type. If you haven’t got a woman, it’s probably because you are a serious type; women don’t usually go for really serious guys. So lighten up. It’s OK to be serious at work, serious about playing chess or football but if you are serious about wanting a woman you must change your strategy, or you won’t get one.
It’s not easy to change overnight. It takes practice. I’m going to show you how.
Rule No 1
You have to be out there and available to attract women. You won’t get a woman whilst you are sitting at your computer. You may be able to have an on-line woman but most of those don’t eventuate. They are Clayton’s dates. Be a real man and get yourself a real woman.
Set aside two nights a week for going out and looking for women. They are not going to come knocking on your door. Or make it easy for yourself; go to a reliable introduction agency. Do your research, check out a few websites. Pay a visit before you join up; ask questions, ask to see testimonials, ask to talk to a client who is using the service.
If you join an introduction agency you won’t have to find women you will get a regular supply but you will have to allow time at least twice a week to meet women.
Rule No 2
Don’t expect to end up with the first woman you meet. Expect to have several ‘practice runs’ before you land the woman of your dreams.
If you expect the first woman you take out to be Ms Right you will get too serious too soon and blow it. Expect to burn a few along the way, and then you won’t be so disappointed.
Be careful what you think about before your speak to her, meet her for coffee or take her out on a date. If you keep imagining she will be Ms Right it will make you so nervous I guarantee you will blow it. Imagine each woman you meet is just going to be a friend and a practice run.
DON’T EXPECT MUCH. If you learn nothing else this is the key to having women eat out of your hand. Expect little. When you expect little you are more likely to relax, it is easier to tease and be cool if this woman is only a practice run.
Rule No.3
Flirt, be playful and make her laugh. “How on earth am I going to be playful and flirt?” you ask. You have never been a flirt but you have been a tease when you were younger. All guys know how to tease. Women love to be teased they love the attention. You’ve teased your siblings or you’ve teased your dog so you know how to do it.
Unless you are a very experienced joke teller and you know you tell them well, forget that idea. You can make her laugh by telling her the funny things that happened at work. You can tell her stories against yourself. Women really appreciate men who can laugh at themselves – but not all the time.
One of the easiest ways to make her laugh is to tease her. She loves it because you are giving her attention and WOMEN LOVE ATTENTION. If you have the opportunity – practice teasing your mother & sisters or the older women at work. It takes practice so you have to start somewhere.
You say, “I don’t want to get caught flirting with the older women at work”. No don’t flirt with them, just tease. The type of flirting you do with a NEW WOMAN is as tame as you would be with the older women at work. Practise on the tea lady or the woman behind the cafeteria counter.
No matter what all the men’s books on “How to be a Ladies Man” state, don’t dare try outrageously flirting by touching, stealing a kiss or wrestling with her, or any other direct method . You cannot afford to even dare try these methods with a new woman. It won’t win you brownie points; it is more likely that she will run for cover.
Because you are new at this make your flirting as innocent as you would tease the older women at work. If you make friends with her, then you can flirt outrageously but not before. Even then you might lose a good friend if you overstep the mark. Now that I’ve warned you about seriously flirting, remember you must flirt, but gently.
No matter how gorgeous she is you can’t afford to take her seriously. You must tease and be playful to get her attention. If you haven’t done your homework – PRACTISED BEFOREHAND- expect that your first few attempts may fail.
Rule No. 4
Women are turned on by attention. Women love you to remember what they have told you. Women love reliable men. Men who ring when they say they will. Did you know MEN SEE – WOMEN FEEL? It’s how you make her feel that counts. If she is not at all interested in you but you are fun to be with, remember what you told her yesterday and ring her when you say you will, SHE WILL CHANGE HER MIND.
If you don’t think you can flirt or charm, you can listen. Shyness is usually caused by too much focus on one’s self. If you are shy, you must make an effort to put an imaginary frame around her face and listen carefully to everything she says. Don’t peer to closely into her eyes.
Look at her nose and smile with your eyes while you are listening. Acknowledge what she is saying. You know – say things like “no kidding”, “really”. A really cool guy will say, “How did you feel about that?” or “That wouldn’t have made you too happy”, or “I’ll bet you were pleased about that”. Cool comments when used at the right time.
All women love a man who is a good listener. Harry was a shy country boy but he wasn’t too shy. Some guys’ shyness causes them to be so self absorbed that they don’t listen. Harry listened to women.
He was often seen sitting out dances listening to women, women of all ages. He won their hearts by just listening. He didn’t only listen to the pretty ones he listened to all of them. He eventually won the heart of a very pretty girl who loved the attention of a man who listened.
Rule No 5
SHOW OFF. Show her your strengths. If you are reading this article, I take it you are not a great lover . . . YET . . . so don’t try getting her into bed on the first night. Leave that until she is your best friend. It is much easier to seduce your best friend than it is to seduce a woman you hardly know. And you don’t want to be accused of “date rape”.
By strengths I don’t mean sexual pursuits but normal strengths. Everyone is good at something or knowledgeable about something. Whether it’s football, golf, art or music. Try to interest her in stuff that you are good at.
Everyone shines when they are good at something or knowledgeable. Knowledge is power, it’s your strength. When she sees you at your best and most knowledgeable she won’t be able to resist you.
Sue came to visit me at Entre Nous to report in about Graham she had recently met. Here’s her story:
I wasn’t at all interested in Graham but he invited me to go Kayaking. I had never been kayaking and really wanted to go but not with him. Anyway I said yes. The kayaking won. He came to pick me up. He had all the gear, was really well organised, knew what he was doing and we had such a good time. By the end of the afternoon I really liked him. We have been an item ever since.
If you take her to the football, keep up a running commentary. If you go to an art gallery, read up about the art beforehand. If it’s a play, know all the actors and directors off by heart beforehand. This is subtle showing off and will have her eating out of your hand, if you are well mannered and considerate, take an interest in her and listen to her and tease her and make the outing fun. If you are going to listen to music, make sure you know all about that music beforehand, DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
Rule No. 6
Make her feel appreciated
Of course you appreciate her or you wouldn’t be interested. It goes without saying! Doesn’t it? NO! Women have to be told over and over that you appreciate them every time you meet them. However you can’t say ‘good woman’ like you say ‘good dog’ to Rover. You must be much more subtle than that.
Notice things:” Is that a new outfit? It looks great. You hair’s different today, it really suits you.
Remember things she has said: You said your mother isn’t well yesterday, is she OK now? Your boss was giving you a hard time, has the situation improved? You said you were concerned about. ……… has there been any improvement?” When you are enquiring about personal things she has told you ask in a confidential manner when you are alone.
Express how you feel about her: She should know how you feel about her but women need to be told every time you meet or talk on the phone. Don’t tell her she turns you on if you are still at the ‘just friends’ stage, it will scare her off. Here are some examples but you know what you like about her, tell her so:
“You have such a cute smile. I like they way you walk. I love the way you burst into laughter so easily. I love to hear you chatting on so easily. I love the way you twist your hair around your finger. I am impressed by your loyalty to your friends. I am impressed by your care for your family.”
If you notice her appearance, remember things she has told you, and express how you feel about her, you will have her eating out of your hand in no time.
Rule No 7
Ooze confidence socially
There is only one way you can do this and that is to practise being sociable with everyone you meet and act as though you are confident. If you act confidently, you will be surprised how your confidence will increase. NEVER BE SELECTIVE WHEN PRACTISING. You need to practise on everyone.
Have an extra little chat with people you would normally just say hello to. For people you would not normally speak to: say “hello”; in lifts, passing in corridors, in shops, wherever you are keep speaking to people. It may not be your style however it’s going to give you confidence socially and you need this confidence if you are going to impress her.
Confidence is power and women are impressed by powerful men. It’s more important than good looks, height or money.
Now don’t say: “this is too hard and it’s not me”. If you keep doing the same old things you will end up with the same old result. You are reading this because you want women to eat out of your hand – so keep reading.
If you start saying “hello” to people in corridors without stopping, you will notice that people will make an effort to speak to you next time you pass. Try to become popular. Popular people speak to EVERYONE, they are not choosey.
Popular people offer assistance when they can. Popular people listen to what others have to say and remember things that have been said so that they can follow up when appropriate.
Popular men speak to all women not just the attractive, single women. Have you noticed how the playboy chats up all women – from 8 – 80 years, all sizes and shapes? He doesn’t differentiate. By the time he gets to a stunning woman he is so practised he can charm her sox off on automatic pilot.
Become more sociable with your friends. Go out more. Don’t let your woman think you are a recluse. It would be no fun for her if you have no fun. Make an effort. It’s all part of practising.
Three very important tips to developing your social confidence are:
1 Laugh at others’ jokes, whether they are funny or not. Be quick to laugh. Get into the habit of laughing more.
2 Accept compliments with thanks and try to repay the compliment at the time. Always, always, always say something like: “Thanks, I was just admiring your …………..”
3 Pay compliments when you think them. Don’t worry about whether your mates will get a swollen head, tell them when you think they are doing something great or look good. This will get you into the habit of being able to comfortably compliment a woman without feeling awkward.
You have to start somewhere so start with your friends and family. Practise, practise, practise. You can pretend to be confident but when you are tired or relaxed your inner self will let you down. You need to be used to this new confidence routine that’s why it’s important to practise.
The nice genuine guys who are a little on the shy side tell me that at nightclubs the used car salesmen get all the good looking women. Yet girls tell me that the only guys they ever meet at nightclubs are used car salesmen. The used car salesmen have developed confidence through their job.
However most girls are inclined to think of the used car salesman as superficial because he is not at all subtle and comes on too strong too soon.
Most men shy away from really beautiful women. They don’t have the confidence to approach them. We find at Entre Nous dating agency that we seem to get more than our share of the stunningly beautiful women because men are afraid to approach them.
At an Entre Nous Spring Madness Ball, the most beautiful woman in the room with a Barbie doll figure complained that no one asked her to dance.
You can have a very beautiful woman, all you have to do is have the confidence and know that you most probably won’t have much competition.
Rule No 8
Get Away with Touching
You will need to be very careful about touching a new woman but with practise you can get away with heaps. It’s all to do with confidence. The secret is not to overdo it. Try touching all women so that you develop confidence within yourself.
When you are ushering a woman ahead of you through doorways etc. Touch her shoulder ever so lightly. When you open a car door, offer your hand to help her out of the car – it’s up to her to let go, don’t you let go.
At the water cooler touch her hand when you pass her a drink or in bars touch her hand as you give her a drink. Take her arm or touch her elbow, when you cross the road. Now out of date was the lighting of a cigarette, you touched her hand ever so slightly as you protected the flame from the wind.
When you tease a woman you can take something of hers and force her to touch you to get it back, but only if you have learned to be quick to laugh. When you develop confidence you can ask for a kiss in return. If you think she likes you, you can play truth or dare whilst walking or travelling.
Dare her to wear your tie; kiss your hand, hold your hand all the way up the street. If she does, make sure you stroke it ever so lightly, so gently that she couldn’t complain.
Touching a woman inappropriately will send her off in the opposite direct so fast you will not know what’s hit you – unless she hits you. Whereas if you are really gentle and subtle, you will be amazed at how often you can touch her.
Rule No 9
Accepting Rejection
No one likes rejection. You can avoid it by not doing anything or you can be subtle in the way you approach women. The Playboy has a very tough skin, he can be as cheeky as he likes and sometimes he gets away with it and other times he doesn’t – he gets rejected. He can take it; it’s all part of the game.
I have given you enough suggestions to develop your confidence, however if you touch women inappropriately or try to be too familiar too soon you will certainly be rejected. If you don’t want to have your new self confidence shattered, be subtle.
Do you want the type of woman who accepts an overly familiar approach? No, of course not, because she would be too easy with every guy.
You will be rejected for sure if you keep trying to attract women but as you develop confidence and become astute at knowing how to avoid rejection, your rejections will become fewer and fewer. It is better to be less daring and have fewer rejections.
Don’t try to emulate the superficial used car salesmen or the experienced playboy, develop your own style which is sensitive, genuine and caring of women.
Rosalind Baker is the Principal and Founder of Entre Nous Introduction Agency www.entrenous.com.au and author of 3 best sellers, Dial A Woman, Dial A Man and Dial A Personality
To discover: Your Personality Type, or “Are You Eligible” or “Are you ready for a relationship?” visit: www.singles.net.au
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